Just returned from a sympathy dinner given to me by my folks because I'm all alone. Anyway, I was very disturbed by the deterioation of Ma in the way she walks and her cutting the food, and in general unfocused haze that visits us too often. She is walking (ha) proof that a sendantary life of TV watching is generates more of it vs Dad's life of working and business and helping people. He's focused and catches all the slips of Mom. She comes in from the fog and goes half-way out and then at times all the way. My heart clenches. The loneliness in the fog is tough. I find I get angry when she starts to cut with the knife upside down while moving the eggplant being cut back and forth with the knife because Mom is not holding it in place adequately with the fork. Maybe I get angry 'cuz I don't want her to go and leave me. She takes care of me: makes sure she introduces me to people at those parties, makes sure I'm eating and sleeping, and not unhappy. Lu is tough on me cuz she mostly cares about my physical and only when I stink up will she sacrifice for my preferences, but the pain of her sacrifice hurts the pleasure for me. Anyway, Dad is very bothered by her worsening walking but he feels helpless and won't take control. I'm not sure why. Funny about that fat lawyer Allen materialized.