I realized today that whining about wanting to play is strictly my problem/conflict. If I want to go play, then go play. Overall, my anxiety stems from the unknown so if I budget my time and my money AND THEN STICK TO IT; I'd calm because then I'd feel it's unfolding in away that leads to my goals. No worries.

Also, my resistance to admitting that I'm moving is delaying me from address change etc.

Painting the kitchen (on Sep 19th, Kenny's birthday) allowed me to spend some quality time in the house. Totally peaceful and quiet. My presence seemed welcomed in that space.

The painting took about 8 hours for primary all around, 2 coats on ceiling, one coat on walls. Way longer than expected, but my arms and neck muscles did feel stronger. My head almost rolled backwards from my shoulders from all that ceiling work.

Had mixed feelings about the color when Lu said she thought it boring: it took me a few hours to shake it and still like the color cause it is soothing and shades vary depending on the light. If I had to do over, though, I'd do it in some light blue. Kitchen colors, I think should be primary and lively. But at this point, it will be one of many compromises. Looks like B.'s out of it, since no one has shown up since Sep 7th. Very encouraged by Bonnie's visit, though her enthusiasm was a little beyond my capacity to embrace. Glad she liked it all, the one lacking was the skylights in the balcony. Now that I think about it, we should've had at least one for the view. Oh well.

Now I'm worry about the real estate crash and having too much inventory. But multi's will hold better, I think.

Now that this extras bill from B. has blown it all open, particularly Boyer w/ work quality. Lu is now moving to consolidate and move us to Sherman. I cannot keep up with the whirlwind, I'm emotionally stirred by the storm in which I am allowing her to take the helm. Even tho I can deal with troubled equipment, dealing with troubled people gets me in rocky mentality. I used to be rocky with buggy/broke stuff or school problems that I eventually got a grip. Hopefully, eventulally I'll get a grip here. But for now, having someone so close being so strong is unsettling, but bite my lip and ride on her shoulders. Like being high up on those shoulders, it is scary cuz it's so high, so vulnerable, yet in reality you're on top of strength and can see further than others.

Change is very tough to embrace for me. But no where to rest, nowhere to hide 'cuz it's all inside. Must adapt.

To go on Sherman: finished the mud in kitchen, finishing mud for rest of house, plumbing for shower is done but not for tub, not moved toilet in 1/2. Need wiring for a/c -heat, need finish putting in switches, lights. Lights are confusing at best. We have major painting and haven't picked a color.

What am I anxious about? Uncertainty, extra responsibilities. I'm caught in a loop of not resolving them because I procrastinate (on the s-house) stuff and it gives me anxiety.
I'm afraid we wont be able to move into the house until way after it gets cold and maybe it will be damaged because of no heat. B. has no control over the NY plumbers and they seem to do what they want. I;m afraid the inspectors are going to screw us. I'm afraid I'll feel trapped in that big emtpy house and not able to relax.

Rob: make a plan. Create realistic assumptions.
-can see the end for Sherman
-need to hire a designer for E.Main
-get Asp rented
-get Hemlock sold
-get Small Sherman rented